I do not like this CCDP

That Nick’n’Dave, that Dave’n’Nick

I do not like that Dave’n’Nick

I do not like their strange ideas

They play on people’s deepest fears

They bother me, they make me sick

I do not like that Dave’n’Nick

“Will you try some CCDP?

You’ll find you like it, you will see!”

I do not like it, Dave’n’Nick

That CCDP makes me sick

I do not like it, not at all

You cannot make me take that fall

“But what if it will stop the bombers?”

It cannot, will not stop the bombers

It gathers up far too much data

We’ll only find them six weeks later

Even policemen tell us so!

Listen to them, they must know!

“But what if it will catch the paedos?”

It cannot, will not catch the paedos

They’ll find a way to not get caught

They’re good at that, they’re just that sort

To catch them we must be more clever

This blunderbuss will get them?  Never!

“We’ll find a way to keep it safe”

It cannot, will not be kept safe

That’s not its nature – listen here!

Just build it and the danger’s there

This thing can never be called tame

To claim so – well that’s really lame

“We’ll only let the good guys look”

Who are the good guys in your book?

Will they always stay so good?

I’m not sure that you’ve understood

Once it’s built it’s there for all

The worse of guys will use it well

“We’ll use it just to catch the bad guys!”

Who can say who ARE the bad guys?

Planning bombings – that’s quite easy

Planning protests? I feel queasy

This CCDP catches all

Bad guys, good guys, we all fall.

“Trust us, we know what we’re doing!”

Trust YOU? I see where you’re going!

Taking us to Orwell’s vision

That’s your clever spooks’ ambition

I do not like the road you’re making

I do not like the path you’re taking

This time, I say, Dave’n’Nick

I say NO: I’ll make it stick

You MUST not do this, you must NOT

I’ll shout with all the shout I’ve got

I’ll shout it loud until you hear

And so does everyone who’s near

I do not like this, Nick’n’Dave

I do not want to be a slave

I do not like this CCDP

This CCDP’s super creepy

Listen to us, listen now

Listen when we tell you NO!

P.S. The CCDP is the government’s proposed internet snooping package, the “Communications Capabilities Development Programme” For details, the ORG’s excellent analysis here…

P.P.S. Apologies to Dr Seuss!