A year ago
We threw it away
But we live to fight
Another day
We won’t give up
We’ll keep on going
You were sold a pup
And now that’s showing
The lies, the hate
The wounds are sore
But Britain’s great
And we mean more
When we can find
What we can share
And ties that bind
And show we care.
Mr Gove was Back.
He had always known he would be. A Prodigious Talent like his could not be held down for long. He knew that even Little Miss Maybot would recognise that eventually, and she was generally almost completely unaware of anything going on around her at all. In her Hour of Need, Mr Gove knew she would come to him. And she did.
So he was Back.
Of course if he had been in charge instead of Little Miss Maybot, they would never have been in the pickle they were now. Mr Gove would never have let that awful Mr Corbyn get nearly so close – because Mr Gove had a Winning Personality and Endless Charm, unlike Little Miss Maybot. Now, that Winning Personality and Endless Charm would be brought to bear.
And everything would be better from now on.
Mr Gove had been a little worried that it would take a bit longer to return.
Some people had not really understood that his decision to throw Mr Blowhard under a bus – and not even a bus with ‘£350m a week to the EU’ painted on the side – had actually shown that Mr Gove was loyal, trustworthy and a Good Friend. Still that was the past, and in the end they would realise how wrong they were.
At least Little Miss Maybot had begun to realise that she – and the country – needed Mr Gove. And she did. By Golly she did. Without him, the Tory Party had lost its way. It would be up to Mr Gove to save it, and to save the country.
And he could do it. He knew he could.
Little Miss Maybot had not been perceptive enough to give him one of the jobs he really deserved, but at least she had given him a job he was well suited for.
Of course he wasn’t an expert in Farming or the Environment – but everyone knew that Britain had had Enough of Experts. Mr Gove did, however, know more about Farming and the Environment than he had about education – after all, he had visited a farm a couple of times when he was ten, and once been for a ramble in the Cotswolds – and his time as the Secretary of State for Education had been an Absolute Triumph. Everyone knew that.
And being in charge of the Environment was great too. At least there wasn’t any of that awkward ‘science’ stuff involved – the stuff that had caused him so much trouble when he was in education. Everyone knew that the environment wasn’t anything to do with science. All that lefty ‘climate change’ rubbish could be quickly shelved – and quite right too!
And now that his other Great Triumph had come to pass – Brexit – he had plenty more Good News to tell the farmers.
They would be so happy, he was sure, that Brexit had relieved them of all those terrible subsidies that were plaguing them with paperwork and money. Farmers were like that. Strong. Independent. They didn’t like getting money from those faceless Eurocrats.
And they’d be delighted to contribute more to the Europeans when the tariffs started to kick in.
And absolutely ecstatic that they no longer had to use any of those young, healthy and hardworking European labourers that they’d been using for the last few years. Things would be much better when they’d replaced them with British workers.
Oh yes.
Mr Gove smiled to himself when he thought about it. Everyone was going to be happy with Mr Gove. And the world would be right again.
Mr Gove was back.
My own particular ‘lefty-Labour-Twitter-Bubble’ has been enjoying itself in the aftermath of the surprisingly non-depressing election result. I mean, who could possibly not have enjoyed the humiliation of Theresa May?
The analyses of Labour’s performance has been a little less straightforward – which is not surprising given the seemingly enormous divide amongst the people I follow, which include strong Corbyn fans and equally strong Corbyn enemies. Most have been able to simply enjoy the result, but there have been two other analyses offered, both on that Labour could and perhaps should have done even better (more of which later).
Firstly, from the pro-Corbyn people, if only the Blairites hadn’t been undermining Corbyn for the last two years, Labour could have won.
Secondly, from the anti-Corbyn people, if only Labour had had a decent leader, Labour would have won.
Both these arguments have two clear virtues: they’re entirely unprovable and they totally vindicate the positions that had been taken by those advocating them for the last few years. I have more sympathy for the first argument than the second, but neither, for me, is very helpful. The past has happened – the sniping (and worse) happened. And the idea that this result leaves open the possibility of ousting Corbyn is as much a denial of reality as Theresa May claiming it’s given her a resounding mandate. Corbyn will be leading Labour for quite some time!
The key now is to think about what happens next. This is a massive opportunity for unity – and MPs (and commentators) could and should swallow their pride and acknowledge Corbyn’s success. Yes, Theresa May inflicted a lot of wounds on herself, but that’s not the whole story. And don’t forget that this election was set up by May, for May, for the maximum disadvantage for Corbyn. Labour was rock-bottom in the polls, riven by division, caught unprepared, faced by a massively hostile media – and still put together a fine manifesto and a coherent and principled campaign. There were hiccups and messes – there always are – but relatively few. The enthusiasm and positivity- and the competence overcame them.
It would be great to see Labour take this chance to unite. For apologies and acknowledgement rather than point-scoring and revenge.
I for one was quite wrong about how this campaign would go. I’ll happily admit it, and that I was wrong about a whole load of details as well as the big picture. Sometimes it’s great to have been wrong.
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